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What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is talked about a lot at these days.  They are using it in schools with pupils to help them focus, and it’s often associated with meditation.  But many of us don’t know what it is, and those that do may have seen books and courses on how to be mindful and feel put…

Conflict doesn’t need to be part of communication There are ‘models of conflict’ that go some way to describing the stages we go through when in conflict with another individual or group.  In essence they describe how humans deal with conflict. These models or theories are sometimes used as a basis for mediation, enabling the mediators…

What is CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) is an approach to working with human problems.  It emerged in the late seventies and is a blended approach. Two main schools of thought had prevailed. These were 1) the behaviourist approach and 2) cognitive theories. The behaviourists focussed on reinforcement versus punishment, conditioned and learned…

It can be hard, moving on. Accepting the new normal can be difficult to do, especially when it isn’t something we wanted.  Take moving on from a relationship.  In a scenario when our partner left us, we may resist moving on at all. Emotional freedom only comes about when we accept our reality.  Because only then can we…

Evolution may have something to say about why we care what they think. What is it about us human beings that means that we care so damned much about others’ opinions? This interests me on a professional level and because I love the story of evolution, we should probably view it as a survival strategy.  If…

Effective communication 101 From time to time in life, we have to have difficult conversations with others. Maybe we haven’t been taught how to communicate well. Many of us will try to avoid these conversations at all costs. We see them instead as a ‘confrontation’ to be avoided.  If we think about conversations with other people…

What’s the iceberg effect? In a session this week, my client and I were reflecting on what I call the iceberg effect.  It’s the idea that sometimes people find it hard to see past what they can actually see, or in other words, why you can’t take things at face value. Does Joanne have a beautiful house,…

It’s so important to establish and communicate your personal boundaries. There are all sorts of people in life:  givers, takers, helpers, fixers.  The list goes on and on.  But how do these different personalities affect us?  The famous statement that communication is 93% non-verbal is partly true. The finding was in fact that communication is 55% body language and…

A day about loss There’s a strange thing that often happens in my working day.  It’s to do with themes. The funny thing is that these themes sometimes run through a day of client work, even when I am supporting them for different issues. Today it was loss.  All different kinds.  Traditional loss through the death of a…

This underpins how I view life generally  as an existential therapist. Living with purpose. It was John F. Kennedy that said “efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction”. But there have been dozens of philosophers, leaders and students of living well who have spoken about this.  The simple truth is that if we…